I guess I should give yall an idea of where it all began. I turned 20 in 2011. (This all happened before the age change occurred so I ended up being among the last few sisters who had to wait till they were 21 to serve a mission.) My entire life, I never intended to serve a mission. Never really had the desire. I remember singing, "I Hope They Call Me On A Mission," in Primary and singing it with gusto, but never really thinking about actually serving. It just wasn't something I wanted. I grew up looking forward to the day when I would go to college, find my husband, get married and be sealed for time and all eternity in the temple, and settling down and raising a family. By the time I turned 20, I was three years into my college career, still not getting anywhere with the whole marriage thing, and getting kind of down about it. I wondered why the Lord would hold me back from such a worthy desire. Why couldn't I just find my husband and move on with the life I desired and intended to have. I hadn't learned yet that sometimes the Lord's plan for His children isn't necessarily what we might want. I would soon receive a bit of a wake-up call about that one, just three months after my 20th birthday.
On a more spiritual note, I was also having a bit of a rough time during that time. It's not that I was necessarily losing my testimony, but I felt like I was moreso just going through the motions. I went to church. I went to my religion classes. I read from the Book of Mormon occasionally and prayed every now and then. I had used to be much better at it. But over time I got out of the habit of studying from the Book of Mormon every day and there seemed to be more and more days where I was just too tired from a long day of classes and homework to say my nightly prayers before going to bed. I didn't really feel like I had any direction. What I wanted wasn't happening and I felt like I wasn't receiving any answers to my questions to know better what to do. It was a difficult situation to be in. I didn't understand why life was so difficult and wished God would just tell me what to do in a way so I would understand. However, I silently reminded Him that if it was a mission He wanted me to do, that was completely out of the question. Yeah. That's how stubborn I was and it goes to show just how much I had to learn. It wasn't that I was a bad person. I enjoyed church activities. I hung out with my friends at school. I had the opportunity to go to the Relief Society General Session that year and cried through most of it because so many of the talks really spoke to me. I knew President Monson was the prophet and I knew Heavenly Father was there and heard me. I was just going through a bit of a rough patch.
(At Festival of Colors)
(At a football game)
(At True Blue Football)
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