Knowing I Needed to Serve

Many potential missionaries wonder how they'll know that they need to serve a mission, especially us sisters.  Young men have the calling and responsibility to serve, but for us, it's entirely optional based on the promptings of the Lord through the Spirit.  As yall know, for me, the mission was completely out of the question.  I was "hard in [my] heart" and would not even consider the idea of serving.  I also didn't understand how to recognize the promptings of the Spirit.  (Though I would later learn that I had felt the Spirit throughout my life and didn't even realize it.  Yall will too.  I promise)

So how it happened..

In December 2011, I was carrying on with school.  Finals were starting to come up.  I was stressed and crazy busy and had a ton on my mind.  Then one day, a distinct thought came into my mind.  It said, "Christine, you're turning 21 next year.  You need to decide if you'll serve a mission."  I immediately brushed that thought off.  There was no way I'd ever serve a mission!  Where on earth did that thought come from!?  I completely shut that thought down and carried on with my day.  The next day, I was once again going about my business with school when the exact same though came into my mind again.  "Christing, you're turning 21 next year.  You need to decide if you'll serve a mission."  I again shut the thought down, refusing to even consider it, and starting to get a little worried that I was thinking about this whole thing two days in a row now!  And, what do you know, the exact same thought came AGAIN the very next day, and the next day after that, and the day after that as well!  Soon, that thought would come to my mind multiple times a day!  Each time, I tried brushing it off and ignoring it, but it came back!  Why was this happening to me!!?  I didn't understand!  Finally the day came when, as I sat in my bedroom alone and the thought came to my mind yet again that day, I verbally spoke out loud to Heavenly Father for the first time in a while and said, "Fine!  I'll serve a mission.  But only because you're telling me to.  Not because I want to.  And just so you know, I'm going to come back the exact same person as I am now and will go on with my life just as I am now.  I will not change."  I proceeded to call my mom and tell her, through tears, that I was serving a mission.  She calmly and simply replied, "Alright.  When are you starting your papers?"  I responded that I didn't know, that I'd probably start them when I got home from school during the summer break.  She said ok and that was that.  I had committed.  I was going to serve a mission.  And you know what?  Those little nagging, incessant thoughts in my head about deciding to serve a mission stopped from that time forward.  I knew I had to serve a mission.

Looking back on it now, I realize the Lord never directly said, "Christine, go on a mission."  He left it up to me to decide.  I could have said no and carried on with my life.  I can only imagine where I would be now if I hadn't finally listened and responded.  One thing's for sure: I would not feel as happy and content with my life and the Lord if I hadn't served.  And the adventure of my mission was about to begin!